Help! Miguel Won’t Take a Bottle

I’m desperate! I’ve been trying (on & off, though) to train Miguel to bottlefeed but he wouldn’t have any of it. His wailings seem to tell me ‘I’d rather go to sleep hungry than take my lunch from that silicone thing!’ waaa

When Miguel was about a week old, and out of desperation due to sore nipples, I was able to successfully feed him through the bottle. I thought it was a good sign until I read from one site that it is normal even for breastfed babies to take the bottle during their early weeks of life but may develop an aversion to bottles when they reach a certain age. It wasn’t a very good idea for me to express milk during the early weeks as my milk supply has not yet been established and I could only get a drip after pumping for several minutes, and by then Miguel would have been crying his lungs out because of hunger! So I carried on directly feeding him and thought I would start training him on his second month. And I did. But it seems two months of direct feeding is enough for Miguel to know he prefers mommy’s breast and would not like any other alternative.

Since I don’t plan to go back to work until after Miguel is 6 months old, I didn’t get a yaya right away. So what I normally do is to pump my milk, let nanay give the bottle, and pretend I am not around. But unlike me, this boy is firm and knows what he wants! I want to train him to take the bottle, he wants mommy’s breast! And when I hear that crying little voice, I melt, and I would come running to offer him the real thing. I once found the courage to leave him, I went to Shangri-la with Nico and left seven bottles of 100ml breastmilk so he wouldn’t get hungry. But I couldn’t get my mind off him that I gave in to the temptation of texting nanay to ask whether he’s had his milk already. My instincts were right, he’d been crying and wouldn’t eat. I couldn’t stand the thought that he’s going to sleep hungry, so we came rushing home even if we had not yet accomplished our goals.

I’ve tried several tricks like warming the milk and the teat and even tried Avent nipple (which they say has the shape most similar to mom’s breast) but they weren’t any good. He’s already on his fourth month and I worry that if I fail to train him now he may not take the bottle at all.

Though breastfeeding provides a bonding opportunity for us, I have to face the fact that I need to be away sometimes (and especially when I decide to go back to work). I dream of the day when I can have him feed thru the bottle at daytime and breastfeed him at night so I can pursue my goal of 1 year breastfeeding. Other moms have done it, I hope I can do it too!

Rewind: At 2 months & 3 weeks

miguel was able to roll over from his back to his tummy! It was the morning of easter, we were staying at Mimosa when he rolled over. At first we thought he was able to do it because he was lying on a soft sofa, but I finally believed he could do it on his own when I woke up at dawn the following day and found him sleeping soundly on his tummy!

Besides rolling over, Miguel enjoys jumping non-stop to the beat of “jump, jump, jumpy, jump, jump, jump”, though holding him and letting him do this newfound activity tends to tire me real fast!

Here’s a photo of Miguel in Clark taken when we attended the Easter Sunrise Service.

Breastfeeding Blues

Miguel is 3 months today! Hooray! Sabi ni Nico hats off to me as I have gone this far on exclusive breastfeeding. I read from a breastfeeding site that ‘any mommy who has breastfed for even a day deserves a pat on the back’, and even more for those who have committed to exclusive breastfeeding, I think.

We’ve been doing it for 3 months already but the mommy & miguel tandem is still going thru a lot of fuss; guess we haven’t yet perfected the art. Blame it on me for failing to prepare for the greatest commitment I’ve ever made. I just knew I wanted to ‘try’ breastfeeding, my line of thinking was ‘if it happens then I’m breastfeeding, otherwise there’s always the option of giving milk formula’. Only now do I realize that I did not make any conscious effort to commit to exclusive breastfeeding when I was still pregnant. Breastfeeding was only one of my options. And because of this, I didn’t know there are things I need to learn, things I need to prepare myself for. My MIL was the one who talked me into committing to exclusive breastfeeding and the still uninformed mommy in me completely agreed. So when the nurse who was filling up my admission records at the Asian Hospital asked how Miguel will be fed, exclusive breastfeeding was my answer.

But it is a commitment I don’t regret. The only regret I have is the fact that I did not spend time learning all about it. Had I learned of the difficulties and challenges that go with breastfeeding, It might have been a lot easier especially during the first 2 weeks.

When Miguel first latched on, it felt both weird and wonderful. Since then I would look forward to calls from Huggery staff telling me it’s feeding time for Miguel. But the following days witnessed a different feeding experience for me. Miguel would feed for an average 30-45mins every 2 hours and it seemed to me all of his strength was put into sucking that at the end of the first week my nipples were sore and I was dreading every feeding session. I tried nipple creams and protector but they weren’t any good. I even tried expressing my milk to give in a bottle but I could only get a few drops which made me even more frustrated (related fact I didn’t know: our body produces only the amount of milk the baby needs–so I really can’t expect to squeeze out liters of milk during the first few weeks!).

During Miguel’s first pedia visit I was determined to ask for milk formula to supplement breastfeeding (another related fact I didn’t know: baby’s suckling motion stimulates milk production, the more the baby sucks, the more milk is produced, thus supplementing with formula will diminish milk supply). My plea was ignored by his pediatrician who even told me after complaining of sore nipples ‘konting tiis na lang, magkakalyo din yan!’ Sensing that I was actually not ready to give up on breastfeeding, she then explained its benefits and ended her ‘lecture’ telling me to just advise her when I finally decide to give formula milk to Miguel. So in the end the decision to continue or not was still left to me.

Looking back now, the fact that Miguel hasn’t had any sickness is reason enough for me to continue breastfeeding. Despite the hassles I’ve encountered during the first 3 months, I’m determined to carry on for another 9.

A Birthing Story: My Version

Better late than never, di ba? I’ve actually considered not writing about my story at all and even thought about abandoning this blog altogether (since ang tamad kong mag-update) until the other day while I was waiting for Miguel to wake up for his 2am feeding, my mind wandered off to that fateful day when I first heard the most wonderful sound ever–his first cry!

So here’s an account of my pre and post birthing experience– from weeks before to days after…

Dec 1 – After a weeklong vacation at my sister’s place in Singapore, I arrived home.

Dec 12 – Had my very first OB check up in Manila. Since this was our very first meeting, I brought all the medical docs from Welcare Hospital in Dubai where I had all my previous prenatal check-ups. And since I was already on my 34th week, OB advised me to come for a weekly check.

Dec 20 – Second meeting with OB at the Asian Hospital. As she was doing an IE, she noticed I had an infection in my birth canal which was causing mild contractions (hmm, so that explained the occasional pain) and this had to be treated before my delivery so that the baby’s passage would be totally clean so she prescribed meds to cure the infection. Due to the contractions, she said I might not be able to make it to my EDD on Jan 11, 2007! **Panic button pressed** I immediately called up Nico and asked him to come home asap as I wouldn’t want to go thru the ordeal of birthing without him. Fortunately for us, he was allowed to avail of his VL earlier and was able to fly home on Dec 29 (originally scheduled on Jan 11).

Dec 27 – Still without Nico, I went to meet with OB for the 3rd time. Infection had been slightly cured but it was still possible I’d give birth earlier than due date.

Dec 29 – Picked up Nico at the airport. We spent the New Year weekend in Pampanga, somehow, praying hindi kami abutan ng panganganak dun We even had an estimate of the number of hours we needed to get to Asian Hospital from Pampanga just in case (and he even wished maglabor ako ng matagal para umabot!)

Jan 3 – My fourth OB visit, I was already on my 37th week. IE showed that the infection had been totally cured and as a result the contractions were gone. OB even noticed makapal na ulit ang cervix ko, which means I was not due to give birth for another 1-2 weeks! But there were just too many “sabi-sabi” from well-meaning friends and relatives…”mababa na tyan mo, laki na ilong mo, manas na manas ka na, manganganak ka na!” So we accepted my SIL’s offer and stayed at her place in Pasig that week so we’re closer to the hospital just in case. But days passed and still there was no baby.

Jan 10 – Counting from today, there are only 23 days left before Nico’s vacation is over. On our way to Asian Hospital we were hoping OB would say manipis na cervix ko at due nako this coming weekend. However, the story was still unchanged. IE showed di pa naka-proper position si Miguel at makapal pa cervix ko. We were tempted to ask OB na i-induce nako but thought why intervene with nature, maybe Miguel’s really not yet ready to come out. OB then made a recalculation of my EDD just to ensure I wouldn’t be overdue if we waited another week and it turned out that based on my first trim ultrasound, my EDD was Jan 18.

Jan 17 – Prior days were spent walking till my feet sore so Miguel would finally come down. My efforts paid off since according to OB my cervix finally was at 1cm dilation (and I need to be 10cm dilated to give birth, I think! How many kilometres did I have to walk still? Ouch!) The good thing though about a doctor who is the bestfriend of your MIL is that you could ask special favors She knew Nico was running out of time (vacation time, that is) and he very much wanted to spend as much time with Miguel as possible, so she asked Nico kelan nya ako gusto manganak and he readily answered ngayon na po To grant his wish, and since it was confirmed that my EDD was Jan 18, she did what she called “stripping” of the cervix. She basically stripped my cervix during IE (and it was painful, parang labor na yata!) to trigger contractions. Sure enough, on that same afternoon, I started feeling abdominal pains and noticed bloody discharge in my undies. OB was very clear though about her instructions in monitoring contractions–they should build up and intensify.

Jan 18 – Bloody discharge and mild contractions continued so we decided to head to Manila and stay at my SIL’s place. Along the way I kept monitoring my contractions and they came at 4-6min intervals. Though still very mild we notified my MIL already as she’ll be accompanying us at the hospital and she was still in Pampanga. Since it was my first pregnancy, I wasn’t really sure of the definition of ‘contraction’ hehehe Since mejo nerbyos na si Nico, fearing we might not make it in time to Asian Hospital if we proceeded to Pasig (bec of all the traffic), we decided tumambay sa Shell along C5. At 4pm, uncertain whether my labor had begun already, Nico decided we should go to the hospital already. So at around 5pm, I was hooked at the machine which confirmed I was having mild contractions. IE showed I was still only 1cm dilated so we were sent home after 30min, a thousand bucks poorer!

Jan 18, 9PM – I retired to bed after shower but never really got more than 30mins of sleep. 10pm – I was wide awake, counting the seconds that passed with each contraction.
12mn – both Nico and MIL were also awake but fearing it might be another ‘false alarm’, we decided to delay going to the hospital.

Jan 19, 2am – I was sure the contractions were stronger and they were at an average 5-second intervals so we dressed up and prepared to leave. But not until 430am were we able to leave the house and at this time I was already suppressing my desire to scream in pain at every contraction.
430am – It was the longest 30-min drive I had.
5am – Finally at the hospital, we proceeded to Genesis Birthing Center and I was immediately hooked again at the monitor. The attending OB did an IE (same one who attended to me the previous day) and was surprised to see that I was already 9cm dilated! No wonder I was already begging for epidural at the time. Nurses kept saying to breathe deeply at wag po munang iire!
6am – I was transferred to the birthing room. Nurses did their routine, hooked me on an IV, oxygen, fetal monitor, etc; pero dedma pa sila sa request kong epidural. When OB came, she immediately instructed the anaesthesiologist to administer epidural and this was when I started to chill and to itch all over (which was the side effect of epidural, ok lang , better than the pain I was having). After a few more minutes, at around 630am, I was finally calm.

Minutes passed while the assitant OB’s kept pressing my tummy at every contraction to help me push and at the same time the whole team was watching TV and chitchatting, I overheard my OB say that the fetal heartrate was dropping everytime I pushed. I was too weak to worry, though.

My OB was very encouraging, telling me I was doing a good job, although feeling ko naman mukha ko lang ang tumitigas pag nagpu-push ako at parang wala naman nangyayari down there! The downside of epidural–wala ako pain na naramdaman so walang feeling kung tama ang push. Anyways, finally my OB said crowning na at ready na and before long, at exactly 814am, I was listening to Miguel’s cry! Kagulo sila as I heard OB said ang bagal ng photographer (si Nico), na-tense yata hehehe.

Kaya pala nagd-drop ang heartbeat ni Miguel everytime I push, may double cord coil sya, reason enough for other OB’s to do a C-section but fortunately for me, she was able to do it via normal delivery pa din

Pictorial followed and the most wonderful thing happened–Miguel immediately stopped crying when he was put on my tummy, talk about mommy-baby bond

After Miguel was prepared he was then sent to the Huggery.

At around 11am, epidural was wearing off and I was starting to feel the pain again, mas bearable naman kesa sa contractions. At 12nn I was transferred to my room and at 4pm Miguel was brought to me for our very first breastfeeding session. Since then, the Huggery staff would call everytime Miguel gets hungry. We were offered the rooming-in option where we could have Miguel in the same room as mine but I was too afraid to even hold his fragile body that I opted to let him stay at the Huggery and decided I would just come down for feeding.

Friends and families came to welcome Miguel and we happily shared the same kwento of how I endured the pain till 9cm dilation before epidural was administered

Jan 21 – We checked out of the hospital and headed home to Pampanga.

Following days witnessed a series of happiness of having Miguel in my arms at last, and loneliness due to mild attack of PPD, and pain of sore nipples due to breastfeeding. Yes, the little boy sucked real hard to the point when I was almost dreading feeding him. I almost gave up breastfeeding. Full story in my next post.